It a rather sporadic decision since I’m generally far more a “buy a picture of a sunrise” guy than the kind that chases them down for himself, but for some reason I really had a strong desire to watch the sun take it’s place on the first day of the year.
So I found a spot on top of a hill and watched as cool pink lines began to crawl across the blue sky just to be overtaken by the warm yellow glow of the sun as it peaked over the mountains. It was a scene I’m confident the world’s best artists would struggle to replicate.
And then I was hit with this thought: I didn’t have to do anything to make that happen. I just had to be there in the moment and soak it in.
I spent a lot of 2014 doing stuff. I worked hard to finally get bumped up to a higher status at work, I complied more than 60 new posts to this blog, and I spent the majority of my weekends writing a first draft of a book about my time in Bible college.
By summer, what I was doing had become who I was. I was a writer, so I wrote. That was my identity.
But around September, and with about 85 percent of my rough draft complete, I ran out of words. I’d never really experienced anything like it before, but I just felt dried up and struggled to continue doing stuff. I quit writing my book, almost never posted on this blog, and focused what little fuel I had left on my job because, you know, food and heat are cool.
Then the holidays came and with them some much needed vacation time. Two days ago I finally sat down and forced myself to churn out a conclusion of sorts for my book and here’s the gist what I came up with:
Sometimes in life we forget that we’re not human doers, we’re human beings. And until we learn to be, we’ll never really be able to fully do.
Oddly enough it was the same thought that resonated with me this morning. I wasn’t acting as a doer, I was simply being and watching as another year began.
In 2014, I tried to become a human doer. I made doing my focus and as a result ended up burnt out and unfulfilled.
Doing is tricky like that and it’s easy to get so focused on doing, you forget to be and even worse, that you see taking the time to be, as a waste.
But that’s a lie. Being is not about not doing, it’s about acceptance.
It’s about accepting and embracing who you are, everything you can do and, more importantly, that you can’t do everything.
And it’s about trusting that is enough.
Being takes faith and without it our doing will always eventually fall short.
So in 2015 my plan is to fully embrace my status as a human being because I’ve learned that’s the only way I won’t fail as a human doer.